Hah! Bet you readers didn’t think you’d see me here, did you? Yes, it’s me, Quartz, eldest of the seven dwarves in Fairest, cruelly killed off by a plot device scheming scribber, until I hammered on her imagination long enough to let her know I wasn’t dead. Not that I didn’t have help from loyal fans in the persuading…thank you, Paula, m’dear.
No need for the rest of you to give me that look. I’m sure you didn’t think to find here in Cauldron, did you? No, you expected me to continue to haunt the Forbidden Cauldron and the scribbler’s Facebook Author Page, popping up for my monthly moment of glory in Secondary Characters Speak Out.
Word to the wise. I’m part of the scribbler’s imagination. You may think this limits me and well, yes, it does, but anywhere the scribbler goes, I can go. Anything the scribbler writes, I can stick my nose into.
Me: Unless there’s copyright involved. Otherwise I’m painfully aware of this.
Quartz: Hello, I was doing a monologue! Are you trying to reduce me to a dialogue dwarf and nothing more by interrupting?
Me: I didn’t say-
Quartz: Copyright, that’s the giant explosion that created multiple universes, right? Once all characters were part an endless imaginary landscape, until copyright came, seizing chunks of it by legal right, separating them into galaxies which could no longer touch, right?
Me: Well, not exactly…although I can see how a fictional character might see it that way-
Quartz: There you go, on and on, Me Me and yet more Me! Fine, you want an interview with the author? I’ll give you one!
Me: (grumbles) It is supposed to be Me Me Monday and this was supposed to be my blog until you threw me out and banished me to my livejournal-
Quartz: Clearly you have not learned any lessons from your banishment. Nor have you been produtive enough. Just how much progress have you made in my book, eh? You’ve finished and submitted Aissa and bloody Polyxena!
Me: I haven’t finished Stealing Myself From bloody Shadows!
Quartz: Oh, yes, you have finished Stealing Myself From bloody Shadows, you’re just dithering over revising it. What’s taking so long?
Me: I’m trying to self publish Stealing Myself From b-I mean Shadows. There’s a lot to learn!
Quartz: You could be working on other things while you’re learning. Like my book!
Me: You wanted me to read the rest of The Ultimate Guide to Crystals and Stone: A Practical Path to Personal Power, Self-Development, and Healing by Uma Sibley before I finished writing Of Cuckoo Clocks and Crystal Coffins–
Quartz: You can alternate writing with reading, can’t you? Wouldn’t be much of a scribbler if you couldn’t. All the recent book reviews you’ve been posting say otherwise.
Me: I can only write so much at a time. Besides I prefer to write a review when my impressions of a book are fresh.
Quartz: Excuses. Speaking of sorry excuses, what’s with that sorry excuse for a title? Of Cuckoo Clocks and Crystal Coffins? Couldn’t you think of anything better than that? Something sleek and elegant…like Sanguine?
Me: Now you’re just flattering Paula Wyant, who already has a book out by that title. Which is about vampires, not dwarves.
Quartz: You know what I mean. You can come up with a better title than Of Cuckoo Clocks and Crystals Coffins.
Me: Was that actually a compliment? Usually you seem to be in league with my Inner Editor.
Quartz: I want you to succeed, scribbler. My existence depends on you.
Me: Thank you.
Quartz: So get on with it and succeed!
Me: (mutters) Now he’s in league with my muse at his most abrasive…